Tuesday, February 25, 2014

He Loved Her enough. . .

This morning as I was taking a shower, I had a thought (why is it most good thoughts come while you're in the bathroom?).   I was thinking on how Jesus willingly gave up His life and came to this earth so that we may have life in Him.  I was also thinking about how much it must have pained both Jesus and the Father to have to send Him here just for Him to lay down His life.  God knew all the pain that His Son would face.  And He knew that in the end He (the Father) would have to turn His face away from His Son.  They would be separated for the first time ever.  I already know that God loves us more than we could possibly imagine.
Through this pain with Jubilee, I've never really blamed God.  I've struggled with why He didn't let us keep her here on this earth and being hurt and missing her, but I've never blamed Him.  I'm so thankful that even as we were driving to the hospital that terrible Wednesday, He filled me with His Peace which truly does surpass all understanding.  What I hadn't thought about was my revelation this morning:

God loved her enough to send her into this life, albeit for a short while, so that she could spend eternity with Him. 

Mind blown!  He loved her that much!!! I know that He will love her better than I ever could (and I love her a whole lot).  He chose me to be her mama.  The one to help her to know what a heartbeat sounds like, the one to sing to her and read to her.  He chose Zoe to be her sister to give her kisses and hug her and snuggle her.  And He chose Aaron to be her loving father who would talk to her in his silly voice, ask her if she's baking up right and spend time knocking on the door to her room (aka my belly).  

There is still so much pain that comes with having this experience (and I've been feeling it this week).  But I wouldn't trade it in the world because through this, Jubilee gets to spend eternity with Jesus.  WHAT A THOUGHT!  

However, if you'd pray for me I'd appreciate it.  I'm very much still struggling with not being pregnant yet and missing my precious girl. Some days are better than others but when my wonderful friend FLO comes around she makes things so much harder for me.  


  1. Your post brought me to tears. You are so right. It's a beautiful thing to think about. We will continue to pray for peace and comfort for you all. We love you!

    1. Thank you. We appreciate it. I was in tears as I wrote this post. The tears seem to be getting well this week.

  2. *hugs* I don't know what to say, I just wish I could give you a real hug right now.

  3. Oh, Amanda, what a beautiful thought. And He loved you enough to give you your precious Jubilee- even if it was just an all too brief time here on earth. But an eternity with her is in your future. Just thinking about your family reunion in Heaven brings tears to my eyes. I'll continue in prayer for you, my friend.

  4. Your open and honest feelings leaves me in tears, I too am waiting for a glorious reunion... and what a reunion it will be! I think of you often and I'm praying for you and your family. God bless you Amanda.

  5. I came across this prayer in a book I'm reading called "The Good and Beautiful God" by James Bryan Smith where he talks about how his infant daughter, Madeline, became suddenly ill and passed away soon after. This prayer made me think of you. Perhaps if you change the name Madeline to Jubilee, yourself, or someone else, it may bring you some comfort:
    “Our thoughts are not your thoughts O Lord, and our ways are not Your ways. We confess to You that we cannot see Your divine hand in the suffering of Madeline. Help us, we beg You, to see that in this evil there is some purpose, beyond our grasp and comprehension. Our minds are confused. Our hearts are in distress. Our wills are lost and weak, and our strength is gone, as we see this innocent creature caught by the sins of the world and the power of the devil, a victim of senseless suffering and pain. Have mercy on this child, Lord, have mercy! Do not prolong the agony! Do not allow the pain and suffering to increase! We know not what to ask You; give us the grace only to say, “your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.” Give us faith, for we believe, O Lord; help our unbelief. Be with Your child, Madeline, and suffer with her; heal her and save her, according to Your saving plan, established before the creation of the world. For You are our only hope, O God, and in You we take refuge: Father, Son and Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages, Amen.”

    I also came across this story and thought of you. I hope it brings you comfort as well: http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2013/11/motherhood-mondays-i-had-stillborn-baby.html

  6. Amanda, this is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it. Love you guys.


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