Through this pain with Jubilee, I've never really blamed God. I've struggled with why He didn't let us keep her here on this earth and being hurt and missing her, but I've never blamed Him. I'm so thankful that even as we were driving to the hospital that terrible Wednesday, He filled me with His Peace which truly does surpass all understanding. What I hadn't thought about was my revelation this morning:
God loved her enough to send her into this life, albeit for a short while, so that she could spend eternity with Him.
Mind blown! He loved her that much!!! I know that He will love her better than I ever could (and I love her a whole lot). He chose me to be her mama. The one to help her to know what a heartbeat sounds like, the one to sing to her and read to her. He chose Zoe to be her sister to give her kisses and hug her and snuggle her. And He chose Aaron to be her loving father who would talk to her in his silly voice, ask her if she's baking up right and spend time knocking on the door to her room (aka my belly).
There is still so much pain that comes with having this experience (and I've been feeling it this week). But I wouldn't trade it in the world because through this, Jubilee gets to spend eternity with Jesus. WHAT A THOUGHT!
However, if you'd pray for me I'd appreciate it. I'm very much still struggling with not being pregnant yet and missing my precious girl. Some days are better than others but when my wonderful friend FLO comes around she makes things so much harder for me.