I thought about you this week

Dearest Jubilee,

I thought of you often this week as I went about my day. Most often I thought about you when looking at your sister.

When we made Christmas ornaments I wish you were here so we could make copies of your handprints and footprints. We made a star ornament with a J to honor you. It is hanging in the tree.

When we baked cookies I couldn't help but wish you were snuggles up in the Moby wrap against my chest as your Zoe spilt flour everywhere. I imagined you covered in flour too as it would fall off my hands and on to your head.

I've had a few good cries the last few days thinking about you.  When we were on Zoe's bed reading Bible stories and praying and ended with some tickling I began to soon because we should have two little girls in that room reading and praying. Oh how Zoe would love you.

The whole way back from walking the boys to school I sobbed.  Looking at the snow, I thought about taking Zoe out to play and then promptly thought of how much I'd love to have you both experiencing snow. It breaks my heart.

I still can't believe you're gone. There are times I see my reflection and cry because my body is getting back into shape. It's more evidence that you're gone.  I don't know how I feel about the fact I can almost fit into my normal pants.  And I'm so very much missing that I should be nursing you right now. We would be laying in bed and just enjoying each other's comfort.

Something I'm very thankful for is that God is somehow allowing me to find joy in this Christmas time. I still enjoy doing all the things I've mentioned. They would just be more enjoyable with you Here.

You will always be loved my beautiful princess.