He Loved Her enough. . .

This morning as I was taking a shower, I had a thought (why is it most good thoughts come while you're in the bathroom?).   I was thinking on how Jesus willingly gave up His life and came to this earth so that we may have life in Him.  I was also thinking about how much it must have pained both Jesus and the Father to have to send Him here just for Him to lay down His life.  God knew all the pain that His Son would face.  And He knew that in the end He (the Father) would have to turn His face away from His Son.  They would be separated for the first time ever.  I already know that God loves us more than we could possibly imagine.
Through this pain with Jubilee, I've never really blamed God.  I've struggled with why He didn't let us keep her here on this earth and being hurt and missing her, but I've never blamed Him.  I'm so thankful that even as we were driving to the hospital that terrible Wednesday, He filled me with His Peace which truly does surpass all understanding.  What I hadn't thought about was my revelation this morning:

God loved her enough to send her into this life, albeit for a short while, so that she could spend eternity with Him. 

Mind blown!  He loved her that much!!! I know that He will love her better than I ever could (and I love her a whole lot).  He chose me to be her mama.  The one to help her to know what a heartbeat sounds like, the one to sing to her and read to her.  He chose Zoe to be her sister to give her kisses and hug her and snuggle her.  And He chose Aaron to be her loving father who would talk to her in his silly voice, ask her if she's baking up right and spend time knocking on the door to her room (aka my belly).  

There is still so much pain that comes with having this experience (and I've been feeling it this week).  But I wouldn't trade it in the world because through this, Jubilee gets to spend eternity with Jesus.  WHAT A THOUGHT!  

However, if you'd pray for me I'd appreciate it.  I'm very much still struggling with not being pregnant yet and missing my precious girl. Some days are better than others but when my wonderful friend FLO comes around she makes things so much harder for me.  

Exploring Creativity

I've spent some time playing in photoshop the last few days.  Here are some of the things I've come up with:

I am so enjoying being an image bearer in this way.  

If you have any suggestions of things to create please let me know. 

SNOW much FUN

On Sunday, it was finally snowy and not BITTERLY cold.  So what else should we do but bundle up and play in the snow for about 15 minutes with Zoe.  This is her first real experience playing in the snow and she just LOVED it.  We had a lot of fun capturing these memories.  Hope you like them too :)

and those terribly flushed cheeks are why we came inside after 15 minutes lol :) 

She's also decided she'd like to try riding her tricycle again.  She falls off ALL.THE.TIME.  However she usually gets up with a smile and tries again. I just love her!

Zoe is 2 (A photo post)

Zoe turned two at the end of January.  She has been growing in leaps and bounds.  She insists on sitting at the big people table.  NO MORE HIGHCHAIR THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  Thankfully today I remembered to put her booster seat on the chair and this helped a lot. She is learning possession as well, "my drink", "mommy's pen", "daddy's keys."  It's darling.  Today she also said a full sentence, "Dada, want some" in reference to the black olives. The boys enjoy seeing her language grow. She's so much fun.

We had two small birthday parties for her and she is a girl after my own heart (as if she doesn't own it already). She loves books and tractors and bling.  It's great!

The last 5 were taking by my Mom-in-Love.  She does a great job! All the rest except one were taken by me.  We just think Zoe's a great subject.

and there was rejoicing

I wish I could say and there was much rejoicing but I can't.  Zoe's birthday was mostly great in terms of celebrating her. But in the moments I would stop to think, I'd cry.

I am so grateful for our beloved little girl. She is a huge blessing to almost everyone who comes into her presence. No joke. All of the staff know our cottage as Zoe's house basically. With that being said, I couldn't help but think about Jubilee as we celebrated  Zoe's birthday. In the times when I got a few minutes to myself I would cry. It feels so bittersweet knowing that we could be celebrating two little girls birthdays.

I know that God has a plan for all of this. Somehow He is going to use this for our good.  But that doesn't change the fact that this hurts. However, I choose to sing,"Blessed be Your name".  "Blessed be Your Name on the road makes with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, Blessed be Your name.

Amen.

There is pain but like Job we will bless His name whether He gives or takes away. And let's face it, our Children are only on loan to us anyway. They are His. He blessed us with the gift of raising them.

Oh my our beautiful girl is tu-tu cute!

How did our beautiful little baby go from looking like this: 

(Photo taken by my mom-in-love)

To looking like this beautiful grown up baby:

to being this cute little girl: 

Oh, Zoe Joy, how you've given us so much love and life and pure joy these past two years.  We are so blessed by your spunky personality, love for life (and puppies), and your ever-growing knowledge.  You get smarter and smarter everyday and we just LOVE it.  You are the reason we love being parents!  

You know, life would be so much more boring without you to spice things up!  

Happy 2nd birthday beautiful girl! 

On a lighter note

One day at bedtime, we were doing all the normal bedtime routine with Zoe, sitting on her bed, watching this video, reading her Bible. . . er, wait, we were about to read her Bible to her and pray when she did this:

and then this happened

and then she did this

and this

And this is what mommy thinks about the whole "let's use mommy's hair as a mustache" thing. LOL 

She learns too quickly